Frazzled

Sometimes, I randomly get overwhelmingly nervous about:

• the overpass collapsing on my car.
• whether the bug I am investigating might be poisonous.
• the fact that the GPS in my phone is making me a magnet for government conspiracies.
• trees falling on my house (worst case scenario: it's also raining).
• the fact that I don't know how the internet works, but I use it all the time anyway.
• how I legitimately cannot stop biting my nails.
• the possibility that I might inadvertently alienate all my loved ones and end up alone.
• being forced to give up sugar and meat (my dentist told me I had to stop drinking Dr Pepper-- he doesn't understand that it's literally ALL I drink).
• whether the world really is ending.
• losing my job.
• never losing my job.
• animals escaping from the zoo.
• the fact that it will be winter again at some point.
• the possibility that I don't own every recorded piece of music by Kate Nash and/or Parachute Musical.
• brain aneurysms.
• nuclear war.
• a bird pooping on me.
• whether or not the people in the car next to me can hear me singing.
• rabid dogs.
• whether blue eyes can see into my soul.
• the existence of chupacabras.
• spontaneous combustion.
• wearing shoes too much (worst case scenario: my feet shrivel up from lack of oxygen/blood and I never walk again).
• whether turtles bite.
• self-destructive word vomit.
• the fact that I will be donating blood at some point in the next three years.
• the sun never coming out again.
• the inevitable literacy issues of the next generation/the degeneration of the English language.
• whether people are keeping huge secrets from me.
• whether the meat I'm cooking has gone bad.
• losing my ability to smell.
• time and relativity theories.
• whether my freckles are multiplying.
• talking on the phone.
• crashing my computer on accident (not unprecedented).
• America becoming a dictatorship.
• time travel paradoxes affecting my reality (for this one, I blame GreenFriend).
• going to jail on trumped-up charges.
• whether the guy in front of me in the grocery line is packing heat.
• where I left my iPod.
• the fact that I am responsible for two feline lives.
• becoming my CrazyAunt.
• what would happen if McDonald's went out of business.
• someone actually succeeding in a world domination plot.
• dying by suffocation.
• when my pen runs out of ink.
• sitting on something gross.
• how I don't burp.
• the fact that I don't own pepper spray.
• coming into contact with acid.
• losing all my Word documents.
• not remembering things.
• how I am pregnant (despite the fact that it is physically impossible).
• my toes cramping and then getting stuck that way.
• the possibility of crying in front of other people.
• sneezing (worst case scenario: when your heart stops, it doesn't start working again)
• whether the road kill is still slightly alive.
• being attacked by a vulture or a goose.
• bedbugs.
• my complete inability to believe I might get a happy ending.
• what it would feel like to pierce your ear with a staple remover.
• other people reading combinations of words that were written by me.
• if I have something in my teeth.
• what I look like when I've been injected with Novocaine.
• whether an important person in any given situation can read my mind.
• what fashion will be like when I'm old.
• how animals don't use toilet paper.
• experiencing impale-ment, directly or only as a witness.
• whether there are actually situations in which it is acceptable to end a sentence in a preposition.
• how I can't veto males from my friends' lives.
• being a disappointment.
• if inanimate objects have feelings.
• leaving my curtains/windows open at night (worst case scenario: the ability to see a glimpse of my apartment entices home invaders to climb in).
• misspelling things.
• being the only person available to respond to [insert crisis/emergency here].
• being annoying.
• being forgotten.
• ever being in a situation in which I require an IV.
• losing my hair.
• offending someone by double-dipping a chip.
• how camels and deer walk with backwards knees (it just makes me really uncomfortable).
• coming in contact with my arch-allergen for the first time, causing anaphylactic shock/instant death.
• what to do with leftovers.
• what I would do with three wishes.
• being trampled by/crushed in a crowd.
• never amounting to anything.
• being this nervous forever.
• everything I'm nervous about coming true.