Hello, blogosphere! Long time, no post. I am such a great blogger! Here's a little gem to show I still care: Today, I wrote a fan letter to Dr Pepper. I post it here for posterity, and for the amusement of other, saner people (particularly the amusement of those who know that every single word is the absolute truth).
Dear Dr Pepper,
This letter's only intention and purpose is to express my deep and abiding love for you as the best of all carbonated beverages. You are liquid joy. You are my life blood. You are the nectar of the gods. I suspect you might be the fountain of youth (I'm still researching that one).
It has been said of me that whereas most human beings are 70% water, I am 70% Dr Pepper. Despite the somewhat grisly side-effect of being pre-designated as the tastiest of all my social groups (in the event of life-threatening catastrophes like plane crashes, being lost in the mountains, or the zombie apocalypse), I must say the honor of being comprised mostly of Dr Pepper is incomparable to any feeling in the world.
You could set your clock by my daily Dr Pepper consumption -- 10, 2, 4, and a few just for snacking in between... Liquid sunshine never gets old. I won't claim to be Dr Pepper's biggest fan -- I'm sure there are millions of people who recognize the pure bottled genius you make available to us daily. But I will tell you that I am a Dr Pepper girl, through and through, a walking advertisement for your delicious soda.
Just check out my profile picture on Facebook, in which I am wearing one of many Dr Pepper tee shirts which make up a large part of my usual wardrobe. Or you could come to a party with me, when the hosts make sure that for every one 2-liter of Dr Pepper they bought for the other guests, there is one 2-liter just for my use.
They do this because they know that to offer me anything else is just silly. It's me; it's what I do. The restaurants that carry Mr. Pibb quickly find out that this chick doesn't subject her tastebuds to the cheap imitations. Only the real deal will quench my thirst. It is my avowed hope to one day have an entire room filled with Dr Pepper, and only Dr Pepper -- like a wine cellar, except 23 times better.
In the meantime, I am writing you this letter. My words are small, but heartfelt. I suppose I just wanted to officially declare my overwhelming affections in a tangible way, and to encourage you to keep up the good work. Because for me, you really do make the world taste better.
I could go on for pages and pages and pages, but for sanity's sake, I will spare you further raptures on my part. Just know that our love will last a lifetime. This is the taste.
Drinking it slowly,
Me. ;D
